Wardrobe Function
by ardavenport
Summary: A clone wonders about the ways of the Jedi.


**WARDROBE FUNCTION**

by ardavenport

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"Get the bugs out, Itchy!"

"Coming, Captain!"

He couldn't complain about the jokes his fellow soldiers made about him having cooties, even in the midst of a mission. When he graduated from training, he had thought that 'Itchy Trigger Finger' was the perfect name, not realizing how others would shorten it. 'Finger' was the worst option and he had the misfortune of serving under a Sargent Trigger for his first assignment, so he got stuck with 'Itchy'.

Still crouching, Itchy jogged the last few steps out of the low tunnel into a larger rock cavern, his boots scrabbling on loose gravel. Captain Exo and two of his squad mates had already reached the transport, it's lights blazing in the blackness. Blaster rifle held at the ready, Itchy ran to catch up with Hard Knock; they were the last two in, their armor clacking as they nearly collided with each other. At the controls Gripper accelerated up and away.

Itchy clicked his helmet lights off, braced his feet and grabbed a back railing as Gripper wove the transport around the cavern's massive stalagmites. Blackness all around them, their triple spotlights crazily swooped over the twisted rock formations.

Brreeeeeep. "Captain Exo, we're almost in position."

"We're almost there, General," Exo answered the tiny voice of General Kenobi from his write com.

"They're right up ahead." Gripper nearly spun the speeder around. They dove downward into a narrower tunnel, the cave walls dangerously close.

"We're under fire!" Kenobi's voice called out from the com flashing red.

"We're almost there, General!"

The transport burst out of the tunnel into a vast chamber, the ceiling lost in total blackness above. Even without the two flashing green and blue light sabers deflecting blaster bolts, their position was obvious on the high cliff far ahead. The Separatist droids down below had huge spot lights on their targets. The bridge between the Jedi and the other side of the cavern had already been destroyed.

"Go for the droids!" Exo ordered.

Gripper gunned the engine and fired the transport's cannon while Exo, Hard Knock and Cracker fired with their rifles. Gripper and Red Line were stuck behind them without a clear line of sight.

Foom! Foom! Foom!

The cannon blasts knocked out two and three droids at a time. Their spindly tan bodies were piling up, but more just popped up to replace them.. They really wanted those Jedi. They kept most of their fire pointed upward with only a few shots aimed their way, the forward shields of the transport snapping every time one hit.

"We see you! Keep firing and come in under us!" the tiny com-voice ordered.

The Jedi defended themselves from fire from below and from a cave opening behind them on the cliff. Itchy tightened his grip on his gun.

Foom! Foom! Foom!

The cliff under the Jedi exploded; their lightsabers went out. Itchy saw General Kenobi fall first, Commander Ahsoka Tano sliding down right after him, her small bare arms scrabbling for a hold. . . . and finding one on a remaining bridge strut. And General Kenobi found a hold, too . . . . . on her.

Itchy couldn't believe it. General Kenobi's hand grasped the center of the narrow strip of material that Commander Ahsoka wore around her chest, his full weight hanging off of it. And while she looked like she was straining to keep her grip on the metaloid strut, her chest covering stayed fixed in place.

"Go right under them!" Exo shouted.

The droids aimed more fire at their transport, the forward shields constantly flaring and snapping bright transparent blue-white with each hit. They were close enough to hear Kenobi's shout, "Drop!"

She let go of the strut. He let go of her. The Jedi timed their descent perfectly, seconds later landing in their transport, right next Itchy. Their transport zipped past the droids' position.

"Ahsoka, cover the rear!" Kenobi's saber hissed back on.

"I'm on it!"

Now, Itchy had a clear line of sight. While the bright green and blue light saber blades catching blaster bolts and ricocheting them back at the droids, Itchy and Red Line rapid-fired back at the enemy.

A sudden left turn that sent them all grabbing for balance put solid rock between them and the droids. The lightsaber blades vanished again. Kenobi went to the front of transport and directed Gripper. Left again. Right, right, left, right. Through a big cavern, over a black underground lake. Into another tunnel. Right, left, left, up, left, up.

"Master Kenobi, do you know where we're going?"

"The Force will guide us. You should be more mindful, Padawan."

"Uh. . . . right."

She sounded as doubtful as Itchy felt. Were they heading toward safety? Or getting lost in the caverns? He looked toward Captain Exo, but nothing in his body language or the tilt of his helmet said that he doubted the Jedi.

'The Jedi have their ways. They can do things. You'll have a lot more time to take out a whole lot more clankers if you don't waste it asking how they do it.' That was what Itchy had always been told in training. He hadn't been with Lance Squad for long, but the things he'd seen the Jedi do on this mission had convinced him of how true this was.

They had their ways, and they took down a lot of clankers with them. Even Ahsoka, General Skywalker's cadet - - Itchy had seen her charge twenty droids and cut them all down while deflecting their fire.

She was a Togruta. Orange skin with white markings, three large, striped head tails with two fleshy horns on top. But otherwise her anatomy didn't look much different from his own, except for her gender, of course. She was young and skinny wearing minimal skirt and boots and she didn't have any significant chest 'bulges'. And except for that strip of heavy dark red material, she was bare from the waist up. It seemed like it would be hard enough for it to stay up on its own, let alone support Kenobi's weight, too. But that strip of covering had not been even shifted.

Itchy thought she wouldn't notice him staring with his helmet on, but somehow she did and her large blue eyes turned his way, her brows lowered. The transport slowed and then stopped. She looked up at the General again.

"Well?" she finally asked.

General Kenobi, arms folded before him, looked down at her, eyebrows raised. "Patience, young Padawan. Guidance from the Force cannot be rushed."

"Hmmm." She folded her arms before her, over that narrow fabric. "I guess we should tell that to the droids when they find us." She looked one way, then another. They had stopped at a two-way fork in the tunnel.

Was there something a*bout Torguta anatomy under the material that held it there? Was her skin adhesive in those places? Itchy didn't know. The only physiology he knew was his own, and all his fellow clones, and that was mostly related to battlefield injuries.

Be-be-be-be-be-be-be!

General Kenobi's wrist band flashed green. He tapped it. "R2 come in."

General Skywalker's astromech breeted it's response. And coordinates. Kenobi told Gripper to go right.

"Hey! What happened to letting the Force guide us?" Ahsoka threw her arms down to her sides, her chest covering remaining perfectly in place, perfectly smooth.

"Guidance can come in many forms, Ahsoka," Kenobi answered smugly.

Commander Ahsoka scowled back. They zoomed through the winding tunnels, the path gradually rising to the surface. They did not encounter any more droids, but just after they passed through a large empty cavern and headed into a tunnel in the ceiling Skywalker's astromech commed that the exit they would be using was guarded, but there were only thirty droids and no cannons. Perfect.

Natural light invaded the tunnel from above. With the transport angled upward, the two Jedi braced themselves against the co-pilot's seat next to Gripper. Itchy, Exo, Red Line, Cracker and Hard Knock braced themselves in back. They would provide cover fire for their escape after they came out of the tunnel. General Kenobi ordered Gripper to divert all power to the engines. They would get out fast, without the forward shields.

Another turn and there was daylight above. Another second later blaster fire rained down on them. Energy bolts zipped past them. But none hit. On the rim of the cavern opening, droids exploded, felled by the ricochets from the two whirling lightsabers in the front. Nearly every other bolt returned back to the droids hit its target. And that mysteriously sturdy strip covering Commander Ahsoka Tano's chest clung to her like the white markings on her orange skin no matter which way she moved.

Itchy smiled behind his faceplate.

The Jedi had their ways. They could do things. Their ship cleared the entrance and he and the others let loose with a barrage of cover fire to finish off the remaining droids. He wasn't going to waste time asking how they did it.

**- - - - - - END - - - - - -**

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This story was first posted on tf.n: 27-Sept-2010

**Disclaimer: **All characters and situations belong to George and Lucasfilm; I'm just playing in their sandbox.

**W**


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